I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
