My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
