I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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