I want to make a zoo with you.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
