it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Randomize
