omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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