dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
