smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
