I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
