Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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