Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
