I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
