I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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