Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
