you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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