New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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