Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
