he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
