Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
