I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What a dumb baby whore.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize