Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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