I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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