mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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