Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
