When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
