i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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