I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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