so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
