I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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