I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
