You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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