I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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