i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
