I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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