Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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