I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
