whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
