I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
