If you die in college, do you die in real life?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
