I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
