I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
