Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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