Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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