Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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