yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
