My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
