She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
