be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Rumble strips road head = magical
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
