I heard we made out
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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