So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
