dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
