Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you win again, gameday.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I want a musical about memes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
