We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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