I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
