I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
