I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Someone signed my nipple.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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