so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
